Why isn't it my birthday?

This is a conversation I had with Evelyn this morning, and the first thing she said as soon as she woke up. 

Evelyn: *opens eyes* Why isn't it my birthday today? 

Me: I know right?! Where the presents at? 

Evelyn: Well I'm only getting out of bed on my birthday.

Me: So you're going to stay in bed for 364 days of the year?

Evelyn: Yep. When you ring school to tell them why I'm not coming in, you can tell them why.

Me: Well, I think it's a pretty good reason but I don think school would agree. 

Evelyn: They will, Mummy. How will you know if you don't try? 

Me: Again, you make a good point, but I'm not calling up your school to say, "I'm sorry, Evelyn isn't coming in today because it isn't her birthday." 

*we both collapse in giggles* 😊

That man looks like a potato

Evelyn: That man has no hair!

*man laughs* 

Evelyn: He looks like a potato! 

Pigeons

Evelyn: I don't like pigeons, they're scary and mean and don't have a soul. 

Evelyn's excuses as to why she couldn't go to nursery today.

"Some snakes came in the night and ate off the bit of my legs that lets me walk."

"My legs told me in my sleep that they weren't going to work on Wednesdays ever again."

"A man told me that he's going to bring us a parcel today so we have to stay in all day because we don't know when he will come. He could be on his way right now. I bet it's something important like jelly."

"My legs told me they don't want to go." 

"Everyone who works at nursery is poorly so they said that nursery will be open on Sunday instead and I can stay here, eat my chocolate raisins and do my puzzles. Doesn't that sound like a plan we'll both enjoy?" 

Microphone in the sky

Evelyn: I wish there was a microphone up in the sky, because sometimes you cry when someone dies and if there was a microphone up there, you'd still be able to talk to them and wouldn't be as sad. 

Me: That's a lovely thought Evelyn.

Evelyn: If I had a wish I'd make that my wish. 

Me: You're such a lovely person, Evelyn. 

Evelyn: Yes and I was your wish wasn't I. 

Me: You were. You were my wish every night before I went to bed. 

:)

Bored dinosaurs

Evelyn: I wanted to sing a song to the dinosaurs but they got bored and died so I'm going to sing it to you instead. 

Mummy, you're embarrassing me!

Evelyn: Mummy, can I have a cookie?

Me: Yes. 

Evelyn: I can't hear you. I want you to say yes louder. 

Me: YEEEEEESSSSSSSS! YOU CAN HAVE A COOKIEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!

Evelyn: No, not THAT loud, Mummy, you're embarrassing me. 

Get with the programme.

Evelyn: I'm saving my sweets until I get home.

Me: Saving...sweets...what?! 

Evelyn: It means I don't want them now so I'm going to eat them later. Get with the programme! 

I made up a word!

Evelyn: Mummy, I really like pigeons. 

Me: Yeah? What do you like about them?

Evelyn: They're really pigeony. *giggles* I MADE UP A WORD! 

I'll be good when I'm four.

Me: Evelyn, come here please, your face needs a wipe.

Evelyn: NO! It does NOT. I do NOT want to be clean.

Me: Well I would like it if you'd let me clean your face please because we can't go out like that can we.

Evelyn: I don't want to do what you say. I will be good when I'm four. 

Jokes

Evelyn: Mummy! Tell me a joke.

Me: Okay. Knock knock.

Evelyn: Who's there? 

Me: Little old lady

Evelyn: HAHAHAHAHA

Me: You're supposed to say "Little old lady whoooooo".

Evelyn: I've got one, I've got one! 

Me: Go on then.

Evelyn: I'm a silly cup! 

Me: Yeah I don't think you quite get this... 

Toenails and dogs

Evelyn: Mummy, do you think people like my toe nails?

Me: Yes you've got lovely toe nails. I don't see any reason why not. 

Evelyn: Maybe if I went in some squishy grass and they got dirty then people wouldn't like them. 

Me: Well I would. 

Evelyn: That's 'isgustin'. LOOK! A DOG! WITH BIG EARS! HE'S LOOKING AT ME!

*ponders*

If I had ice skates on my feet and hands, I could skate like a dog. 

I'm a princess don't you know?

Evelyn: This road sign says Princess Road East. Is it because I'm a princess? 

Me: Definitely. 

Evelyn: *giggling* Someone should make a street called 'Evelyn The Princess Street. That would be SO silly. 

Me: What about a 'Mummy is AWESOME' street? 

Evelyn: No, I want my princess street. 

Me: Maybe they should make you a 'Diva Street' too. 

Evelyn: No because I'm a princess and a princess only. *to a random woman walking past* I'm a princess don't you know? 

Keep your mouth closed, Mummy.

So we were having a lovely little walk in the sunshine, I was happily singing 'yellow bird' and Evelyn said, 

"You've got to keep your mouth closed, Mummy, so you don't scare people." 

Wave your hands in the air like you just don't care.

*while dancing* 

Evelyn: MUUUUUUUM! I'M WAVING MY HANDS IN THE AIR LIKE I JUST DON'T CARE. WOOHOO! 

I really don't care. Can I have some juice? 

Evelyn being cute.

Evelyn: It's all going to be okay, Mummy. You're my favourite person in the whole wide world. I want to get you a card that says that. That would make you feel better. 

Licking people...

I've had a request to put this on here. This happened in December last year after Evelyn decided to lick the woman in front of us at the check out.

Me: Evelyn, don't lick that lady.

Evelyn: But she asked me to lick her.

Me: I don't think she did.

Lady: No I didn't.

Evelyn: Well I've already licked her haven't I. 

An interview with Evelyn.

Me: How are you today, Evelyn?

Evelyn: Good.

Me: What's your favourite colour?

Evelyn:  Pink. Yours is purple and Mama's is green. Only mine is pink. 

Me: What's your favourite music? 

Evelyn: Roy Wood and Elvis.

Me: How old are you?

Evelyn: Three

Me: And what would you like for your birthday?

Evelyn: A slide

Me: Who's your best friend?

Evelyn: George 

Me: Why's he your best friend?

Evelyn: Because I like playing with him and doing silly faces. 

Me: What's your favourite animal?

Evelyn: Butterflies!

Me: Why?

Evelyn: Because I love them and they land on flowers.  

Me: What's your favourite thing about mummy? 

Evelyn: She plays with me. 

Me: If you could be...

Evelyn: *interrupts* A PRINCESS! 

Me: How many people are in your family?

Evelyn: Only two

Me: And who are they?

Evelyn: You and daddy but we live in different houses. 

Me: What would you like to be when you grow up? 

Evelyn: I think I want to be a singer like you and be on stage and sing like la la la and everyone will clap. I'm going to be a super star. 

Naughty weather.

Evelyn: Mummy, I've told the wind to stop and it hasn't. I am NOT happy about this! 

Evelyn's song.

Evelyn: Mummy, I wrote a song like you did.

Me: Oh yeah? Can I hear it? 

Evelyn: *sings* Can you put the beat back on? Cos I love the beat all night long. Yeah I do, oh yeah. Can somebody fix the beat? Cos it's not fixed and I want to dance. SOMEBODY TURNED IT BACK ON! Hooray! 

Long Eaton

So this was from yesterday but it's been requested that it go on here.

Evelyn: Is that lady getting off at Long Eaton? 

Me: Yes she is.

Evelyn: Is that because she wants to get off at Long Eaton?

Me: Probably! 

Evelyn: Well why would she do that? Long Eaton is RUBBISH.

Me: Evelyn, you've never been to Long Eaton.

Evelyn: Yeah but no-one ever gets off at Long Eaton and it looks rubbish. I don't think I ever want to go there. Please don't take me. 

Evelyn: Mummy, you've got a poorly eye because I kicked you in the face.

Me: Oh did you do it in your sleep? I woke up this morning and my eye hurt, I thought I'd punched myself.

Evelyn: No, it was me.

Me: How do you know if you were asleep?

Evelyn: I had a dream you didn't like ZZ Top anymore. 

Introduction.

I've had a lot of people come up to me and say that they love reading my status updates about my daughter, Evelyn and the things she says. Quite a lot of them have said that it's made their day which is a lovely thing to hear. She is constantly making me laugh and knowing that my little girl can spread joy to other people too is a wonderful thing. It's also been suggested that I make a blog of the things she says so here it is. It's also a way for me to keep all of the wonderful and funny things she says in one place and will no doubt be brilliant to read through in the future. I'll start with something she said the other day.

Evelyn: Mummy, this sign says 'No dogs allowed' but it doesn't say no cats or no elephants.

Me: I don't think elephants are allowed on the park either.

Evelyn: Well if there isn't a sign saying you can't do something then you can do it.

 An interesting logic I think! 

More to come :)

Introuction.

I've had a lot of people come up to me and say that they love reading my status updates about my daughter, Evelyn and the things she says. Quite a lot of them have said that it's made their day which is a lovely thing to hear. She is constantly making me laugh and knowing that my little girl can spread joy to other people too is a wonderful thing. It's also been suggested that I make a blog of the things she says so here it is. It's also a way for me to keep all of the wonderful and funny things she says in one place and will no doubt be brilliant to read through in the future. I'll start with something she said the other day.

Evelyn: Mummy, this sign says 'No dogs allowed' but it doesn't say no cats or no elephants.

Me: I don't think elephants are allowed on the park either.

Evelyn: Well if there isn't a sign saying you can't do something then you can do it.

 An interesting logic I think! 

More to come :)